“Who You Say I Am”

By: April Orange

Have you ever felt unworthy? I’m sure you have. We all do sometimes.

Things we’ve done in the past. Words we’ve said to hurt someone. Sometimes those things are so bad we think that’s who we are, and that’s who we’ll always be. My wild life before Jesus made me feel like I never had the right to tell anyone how they should live. For the longest time I never did.

I never tried to help anyone because I wasn’t qualified.

I’ve been on the worship team for almost nine years now, and I’ve always felt unworthy to be on that stage. But I’ve always dreamed of leading people to the throne room, helping them have their “at the feet of Jesus” moment. A few weeks ago I was asked to lead “Who You Say I Am,” and it had been a while since I had led a song. I practiced, felt good about it and was ready for Sunday.

But then Saturday comes, and I had a rough day and needed a break. I miscommunicated to my husband how big my need for a break was, and we ended up fighting. I felt like he didn’t care how I was feeling. I felt like he didn’t care what I needed to feel better. After an hour of yelling back and forth, I decided I wasn’t going to sing the next day. I couldn’t. I wasn’t worthy of being on that stage.

We had just screamed at each other. Ugly words were said. Old mistakes were brought up. How could someone who just said all those hateful words lead someone to the throne room and back?

I didn’t feel worthy enough to be on stage, so I texted my worship leader and told him I didn’t feel good and that I wouldn’t make it the next morning. It took about fifteen minutes for my conviction to be so strong I couldn’t stand it. I texted my worship leader back, told him the truth of what happened. He told me, “It’s okay, we all mess up. God will use this. See you in the morning.” So Sunday morning, as I sang the words, I heard God say, “Listen to these words, my daughter. This is who you are. You are chosen not forsaken. You are who I say you are. You are not unworthy. I am for you.” Every time I sang that song, shaky and full of tears, those words meant so much more to me.

We are worthy. God has chosen us. He is for us. Walk in that today. 

“But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.” (1 Peter 2:9-10)

April Orange is the wife of Zac Orange, and together, they have two beautiful daughters. Both April and Zac are on staff at Your Place Church, while also volunteering on the worship and production teams. Ten years ago, they were both skeptical of God and church. But today, they will tell you their lives have truly been changed by the saving knowledge of Jesus. If April’s story speaks to you, you can follow her here on Instagram.