“Excerpts From My Journal”

By: Tayliana DeBusk


“Maybe part of the reason I have felt this lack of joy is the constant readiness to get out of this season.”


“In many ways this season has been incredibly difficult and stressful. I have experienced fear of the unknown more than ever. It even caused me to forget or maybe just question the character of God . . . I know God is not a respecter of persons, but it feels like the light of his favor has shined much brighter on some other people.”

. . .

During this season of my life, my then fiancé, Sam, and I felt as though we just couldn’t get things right, especially when it came to where we were going to live after we got married. Everyone was asking us about our future plans, and I felt like I had to have all the answers. So… I came up with answers. I made decisions because I had to, but I didn’t have peace about any of the decisions I was making.

The entire time I was engaged I had lived without peace for what was to come after June 14th (my wedding day). I had wished away my days for so long because I just wanted to have things figured out. I just wanted to know it would be okay. I didn’t want to be in this season of the unknown any longer. I spent this season in comparison. I looked at other couples, and from the outside it looked like things fell together for them perfectly. They had a fairy godmother that granted their every wish. It was miserable.

Then came the day I had the realization of what I was doing. I was wishing away my life.

I am a nanny. That seems random to say right now, I know. But when it comes to my kids I always say, “this is my favorite age yet!” I do this because I never want to wish away a stage of their life or spend so much time missing a stage I can’t find beauty in where they are right now. I caught myself saying it one day and wondered why I don't apply that philosophy to every aspect of my life. This is what I wrote that day.

“There are so many amazing things about the season I am in. The dreams are endless. The mystery of our (mine and Sam’s) future is enticing. I get lost staring at my ring. I get lost staring at my future husband. I am learning what it means to be selfless. I am failing a lot… but honestly I’m too lovestruck to really notice it. Everything's better when he’s around. This is my favorite stage yet.”

In case you are wondering, a good friend of ours offered to let us live in their mother in law suite. I feel peace. I am so in love. And as always, my God is so good. In every season there is so much to be thankful for. After you read this take time to count your blessings. Really do it.

What are you learning? Who are you loving? What possibilities await in your future? This could be your favorite season yet if you let it.

Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think about such things."

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